Slices of Life
Every marriage ends badly
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There’s a morbid thought to start your day or week or year.
But it is – unfortunately – true.
Let’s start with the obvious: divorce. A marriage ending in divorce is a bad ending. It is something none of the participants saw coming – at least not in the beginning.
Then, somewhere along the way, most likely on an ordinary Tuesday, someone mentions the “D” word, and well, there it all goes - down the marriage vortex of uncertainty and lost dreams.
Divorce sucks. I wouldn’t know firsthand, but I think it’s a pretty good guess. I don’t think divorce is anyone’s first choice (for second, third or fourth) for how to end a marriage. But it happens. According to Google, nearly half of all marriages end this way.
Those odds are rough. Who wants to think of their wedding day as a coin toss - but I guess, statistically, that’s what it is.
Sheesh.
And then, guess what? If you win the coin toss (and good for you!) and you live to see yourself truly, madly, deeply living in a good (maybe even great) marriage, it is still going to end badly.
Oh heck, I’m just going to come right out and say it.
One of you is going to die.
And in that, the marriage ends. And with a death to end it, I feel safe in saying the marriage has ended badly.
My marriage ended badly.
I never saw it coming. In that, it was brutal.
The whole situation has given me lots of cause for thought. Because giving your love to another human being - whether it’s in marriage, having a child or cultivating a friendship is going to end with one of you on topsoil and the other underground (at least in theory.)
Logic then would tell us all to avoid love. It always ends in hurt, 100 percent of the time. Why even go there?
Good question.
I’ve thought about the answer a lot. A lot. And I’m not sure I have the answer, but I do have ideas.
We love because we are wired to love. It is in our DNA. Our psyche. Our soul.
To live life without love would be living without living at all. It would be living in a shell. It would be empty and hopeless.
Love gives us hope. Love gives us purpose. Love helps to define not only our days, but our entire life. Our entire being.
We love because loving is worthwhile. It is meaningful. It is hopeful. It is sitting down to dinner together. It is sharing a car. It is sharing children and grandchildren. It is building memories. It is holding hands and a hug at the end of the day. It is waking up next to someone.
Love is a choice. It is knowing that, while love never ends, life here on earth does and if you are afraid of that, you might miss out on all of it.
All marriage ends badly. In that, love ends badly; but that only applies to the definitions we have here on this physical earth. Because as I know it now, love never dies.
And here’s the deal as I see it. We are here to experience this glorious, love-filled planet to its fullest. If that doesn’t include opening our hearts to love, then I’m not sure I understand the lesson.
But I’m still learning - and have long way to go before I sleep.
At least I hope so. In the meantime, I encourage you to embrace love in whatever form it comes to you.
I’m trying my best to do the same. Even with knowing the outcome. Because sometimes it’s not the final outcome that matters - but the journey along the way.
Enjoy your journey.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
