Last Slice: Hometown woman returns as author
Hospice nurse who grew up in Ronan shares touching stories about life and death in latest book
courtesy photo
In “A Sweet Taste of the Last Slice,” RuthiE Neilan shares stories of her time working as a hospice nurse and volunteer.
courtesy photo
courtesy photo A Ronan High School graduate and current resident of Ohio, RuthiE Neilan returns to the Mission Valley on Aug. 2 for a reception event for her new book.
Hey savvy news reader! Thanks for choosing local.
You are now reading
1 of 3 free articles.
POLSON — On Saturday, Aug. 2, at 1 p.m. at the Lake County Public Library, RuthiE Neilan, (yes it’s spelled RuthiE), returns to her hometown community for a reception and book signing event introducing her latest book and memoir, “A Sweet Taste of the Last Slice.”
Each chapter in her book tells of her unique experiences with hospice clients when she worked as a hospice nurse and volunteer. Neilan’s book title reflects her belief that “Hospice is like being invited to a banquet (with) the very best chocolate.” Death represents but a slice of life and it can be made sweet by hospice. She further explained, “Hospice is very holy and very sacred,” providing an avenue for really living until you die.
Growing up on a farm outside Ronan, Neilan graduated from Ronan High School in 1960 and then became a registered nurse attending a program at St. Patrick’s Hospital in Missoula. Later, while attending the University of San Francisco to earn her BS in nursing, she met and married a military man whose career required frequent moves. She did not actually work as a nurse for 20 years but did continue adding to her knowledge and education.
Her interest in and study of hospice, as well as writing stories about her experiences, began when she lived in Steilacoom, Washington. Her hospice training took her to Switzerland and a seminar by famed psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, an advocate for end of life dignity and identifying the stages of grief.
After moving to Tucson, Arizona, Neilan began work on a master’s degree in Expressive Art Therapy. Her thesis, “Living with Dying, Expressively Sharing Breath through Native American Flute and Expressive Arts Therapy,” details how significantly her playing the Native American Flute helped the dying. She believes the Native American flute is a tool and an instrument of prayer. Her flute education included a class at the Feather Pipe Ranch in Helena taught by premier performer Carlos Nakai and flutes created by Arlee flute maker, Ken Light.
Several stories in her book describe Neilan playing her flutes to bring healing and aid the transition of dying. In a phone conversation, she described two additional flute playing experiences, not included in her writing.
As a gift and because of her great admiration for Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Neilan played her flutes every six weeks for Kubler-Ross, prior to her death in 2004. Neilan said, “I admired her, appreciated her for what she was doing … her bravery. She was taking care of AIDS babies … she was a teacher.”
Neilan explained Native American flute playing from the very beginning was a traditional and spiritual instrument, especially for members of the Lakota Tribe. When asked to play for a dying Lakota man, he allayed her concerns about being a woman, (the flute is traditionally played by a male), as well as a white woman. He responded, “We have blood of the same color,” and that “times change.” Together, he drummed and sang in Lakota as she played the flute for him.
Asked to explain which were her favorite stories, she and her sister, Frances Abbey, a Ronan resident and one of three of Neilan’s editors, both named the same stories, “First Time Out” and “Jim: A Window in time.”
In “First Time Out” Neilan hears the spirit of her father tell her to take a tomato with her to her first hospice assignment. Begrudgingly she takes the tomato, and it turns out it creates an inroad for conversation with a very disgruntled husband.
Abbey describes her sister Neilan as an angel for hospice patient Jim. Neilan said, “Jim reminded me of my father … he lived very much in the moment.” In the chapter about Jim, she describes how advantageously, she became Jim’s weekly visitor, as his family never came to visit. At the very end of Jim’s life, she helped him die in the skilled nursing facility he called home, rather than a hospital.
A “Second Slice” may be in the future for author Neilan. She explained there are many tid-bits and very short, yet profound, moments with patients and families that weren’t included in the “First Slice.” One brief story came to her mind.
While Neilan handled the transition of an elderly gentleman to a nursing facility, the patient, said he’d love to have a “Bloody Maria,” describing it as a Bloody Mary with tequila rather than vodka. Neilan said she’d do this, but his wife said “Absolutely not. He’s on morphine. I don’t want him to die.” When Neilan explained she could get permission from his doctor, the wife adamantly refused. Later that night the man died. Neilan regrets not taking an interest in understanding his wife, maybe changing her mind thereby granting her husband’s wish.
Neilan believes readers of her book will get from it what they need to receive. She explained that each story touched her in some way, and “the people taught me about living.” After reading her book, one person said that it was a “feel good book.”
“Writing this book changed my life,” Neilan said, adding that it helped her sort and identify her feelings about her father’s death. She admits to being angry that hospice services weren’t available for her dying father in 1980. She added that if she could “raise a million dollars, she would build a hospice (facility) in Ronan.”
Neilan currently lives in an assisted living facility in Ohio, where she cares for her husband who has Parkinson’s disease and dementia. Regarding her Aug. 2 book signing, Neilan says she’s “really happy to be coming home.”
