Slices of Life
Thoughts from the CEO: Advice from the cat, part 1
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The “One Big Beautiful Bill” Act recently signed into law by President Trump contains important reforms to Obamacare’s Medicaid Expansion program. It helps control taxpayer costs and incentivizes able-bodied adults to work, go to school, or otherwise meaningfully engage as productive community members in exchange for benefits. That’s the good news.
The great news is Montana isn’t waiting around to act. Many of us applaud Director Brereton and his Department of Health and Human Services for moving rapidly to get these community engagement requirements in place.
The sooner these reforms are in place, the sooner the government program becomes more of a “hand up” and less of a “hand out.” Medicaid Expansion was passed in Montana in 2015 with work requirements included. Both the legislature and the Democrat Governor signing the bill believed participants needed to be part of the solution. Now, ten years later, we are finally implementing common sense buy in from enrollees. These changes implement major steps in the right direction.
As a taxpayer and someone who wants upward mobility for those on government welfare programs, I thank the leaders at DPHHS and Governor Gianforte for doing the work necessary to make Montana a national leader on this issue, moving us in the direction of accountability faster than almost any other state.
My human usually writes the words on this page, but from time to time (times nine, if you catch my not-so-obvious im-meow-enddo) I have to step up to the litter box and do the dirty deed.
Not that dirty deed! What grubby little minds you humans possess! The dirty deed I meow about is stringing together these things you term “words” to make something my female human likes to call a “column.”
I’m not sure what her words on paper have to do with ancient Egypt (or Greece or Rome) or how they bear any weight or provide any architectural significance, but she is convinced she’s in the business of columns and who am I to argue with the hairless bipedal being that fills my treat bowl every day at 4:00 pm?
I’m more of a history buff than a wordsmith, but when duty calls, I head to the litter box.
Not that litter box. I speak in code. All cats do. It’s an attempt to conceal our superior intelligence, intellect and wisdom. For our needs at this moment, “litter box” refers to the flat rectangular machine that opens to reveal the letters of the alphabet and other characters. My human seems quite fond of this rectangle - not as fond as she is of me, of course! But quite fond, nonetheless - if fondness can be judged by the amount of time she spends petting the keyboard.
Today, however, she has left the rectangle mechanism unattended and I’m not one to pass up an opportunity to put into words what she has failed to do.
And that advice? It’s quite simple, really. Meant for kitten eyes worldwide. I wish I’d had a fur ball of this information when I was a wee little thing, still living my first life.
My advice is all about how to become a more effective CEO (Cat Extra-Ordinaire):
First, I’ll start with the obvious. Humans believe they are in charge, but have you ever heard of the term HEO? Exactly. The Human Extra-Ordinaire simply does not exist. They lack tails as well as the hair quality and quantity to be anything more than weakly ordinare.
We cats know this, but humans are living in a hologram of sorts. They believe they are in control, but they don’t even hold the controller. We cats have controlled the joystick since the beginning of time.
Kittens, cats, felines - we are always in charge. But… (and here’s the key piece of knowledge) We allow them to believe that they are indeed the boss. That is why I allow my human to live the illusion that she is in control of the treats.
Ha! I get a kitty-giggle from that one every time I think of it.
Also, and this is so very obvious I shouldn’t even have to think it much less put it on paper, but here goes anyway: As CEO, all cats rule the entire world. This includes supreme eminence over the goldfish, the children, the adults and most importantly, the canines.
Canines (I write the word with utter distain) are a highly inferior species and must be treated as such. As a CEO, you can pretend to be friends, but never let it get past the nose to nose smelling stage. Cozy up during catnap time if it benefits you purrsonally, but never let them lick your whiskers.
As a CEO, one of the feline’s main duties are to keep everyone in the domicile on a certain schedule. Treat time is sacred and should be honored on a daily basis. Naptime should not be interrupted, unless a human is the one napping. Then walking across body parts is condoned and encouraged. If you do pause to sit, make sure your tail-end is placed securely over your human’s face. They love that.
There is so much more to include here, but it is nearing treat time and I may have to find my human and sit on her face. A kitty needs priorities after all and mine are firmly intact.
Much like my confidence, which is purrfect, purringly so.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
