Spanking sends wrong message
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Editor,
As an organization devoted to reducing violence in our communities, it is hard to know where to begin in response to the recent article about the child who was spanked by his mother in front of his classmates in Ronan.
It is especially sad to read that this mother claims she has received a lot of support from the community for her actions, including from the Ronan Police Department.
This news was disheartening, but, unfortunately, not surprising. Children learn from the adults around them, and if their role models teach them that violence and humiliation are appropriate responses, then how are we ever going to break the cycle?
Spanking is always a hot-button topic, and, when addressed, there are inevitably the cries of, “I was spanked as a child, and I turned out just fine.” Let’s assume two things: that you are the best person to objectively rate yourself and that you are, indeed, just fine. Those now aside, why risk it? Spanking teaches children that it is okay to hit when angry and have no other way to control the situation; that big people can hit little people; and that it is okay — necessary, even —for stronger people to control weaker people through force.
All of these messages are particularly problematic when inserted into what is supposed to be a loving relationship. Spanking sends mixed messages. It says that the person who is trusted with taking care of a child also has the right — nay, obligation, according to some supporters — to also humiliate and devalue this same child. (“But being swatted isn’t debasing! It just gets their attention when nothing else is working.” In a vacuum, perhaps, but let us not forget that we are always setting examples for our children. We should all aim for something higher than using aggressive behavior and shaming as solutions to a problem.)
Don’t ever underestimate the power and longevity of the belief that people don’t get hit unless they have done something to deserve it and need to be punished, or that it is acceptable to hit other people if you are doing it for their own good. Your children believe you and believe that it is okay for people they love to hit them. These children become adults in adult relationship who, consciously or not, believe it is okay to hit people they love or be hit by those who claim to be doing it for their own good.
“Peace begins at home.”
Jenifer Blumberg,
Executive Director, and
Rev. John Payne, President,
on behalf of the staff and Board of Directors of DOVES
Polson
